Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That accounts for only three of the penises
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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