i just google imaged poop.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
