is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
