Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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