So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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