too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
