what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
