I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
