My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize