Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
wow bdsm is so cute
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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