well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
