how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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