Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
