Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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