The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
