I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
