What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
