Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
