Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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