No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
