wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
