somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
