this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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