The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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