She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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