I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
