Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
