So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's the barista slut.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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