He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
