My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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