Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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