God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
