i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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