We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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