it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
