im drinking this country out of the recession.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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