if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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