ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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