True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
