she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
