I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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