Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
