We're facebook friends in real life
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
