Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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