How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize