Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
