I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
