I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
