It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
