whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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