I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
